User blog:JKGame/Applejack vs Johnny Appleseed: Epic Rap Battles of The Universe
Hello, hello! Welcome back to a new installment of Epic Rap Battles of The Universe! And Happy 4th of July, where we celebrate the day the Declaration of Independence was adopted! And what better way to celebrate Independence Day than to have a rap battle with one of the most famous person in American folklore: Johnny Appleseed. Now in the quick news, I set up a poll in which I asked which opponents should go up against Applejack. (The contestants were Hank Hill, Abraham Lincoln, and of course, Johnny Appleseed.) Hank Hill almost won but Johnny managed to take the lead and gets to be the lucky opponent. Also, this is the first battle in the series to have someone who was actually real! :) With that out of the way, let's get into it! "Honest apple farmer from Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack, and American pioneer nurseryman, Johnny Appleseed, rap against each other to see which apple-loving countryman/pony is superior." Battle EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE UNIVERSE!!! APPLEJACK! VS! JOHNNY APPLESEED! BEGIN! Johnny Appleseed: I treat horses with kindness, but I'll make this one an exception Hank Hill with a stetson made a mistake stepping to this nurseryman I'm raising the stakes here like how you're always Raising your Barn I have 1,200 acres of land that surely outclasses your sad little apple farm I'm an American legend! You're like Waldo: hidden in the background 'til the end Go do some actual farm work instead of wasting your time one-upping your rainbow-maned friend You're a bore to the core. Who is? You is! I suggest that equine Sandy Cheeks retreat Or else get crushed like applesauce and this beat and get your body scattered like apple seeds! You're just a stubborn Southern who proudly admits that she didn't learn anything But the one thing that you’ll have to learn is that your efforts to win are for nada, zilch, no nothing! Before you were even born, I've been harvesting apples from trees If I was an apple, then you're just a worm chewing off my legacy Applejack: Now listen here, Mr. Appleseed, ah don't want to be rude But let me be in mah Element and tell ya the hard truth: Yer just a flimflam-spittin' nutcase who's filled with more lies than the schemes of Flim & Flam I've got rhymes so cold it will make Chapman's skin chap, man! Yer first verse sounded like ya wrote it after drinkin' gallons of hard cider 'Cause raps are supposed to be fresh as apple pie but I didn't spot any in this cypher I kicked away a large boulder, so it won't be hard to give you another good kick in yer head And the brain damage you've gotten probably explains you never wanted to be wed You winning this battle? *Laughs* Now that's the biggest tall tale I ever heard 'Cause with only a few verses, I can already leave you Brae-burned! Ya pursued a young girl? Ah sense something hypocritical & foul! So let me ask you, "sugarcube", how do ya like them apples now? Johnny Appleseed: Are your mouths making promises that your legs can't keep? 'Cause all I hear is empty threats from a plebe who liked to name her own feet I died a rich man, you couldn't even win money at a rodeo This cowgirl Abe Lincoln is no match for my apple juice flow! Go arrange another Apple Family Reunion in time for your funeral It's sad when a better Applejack's a box of cereal Now this grave here is going to be Where this Apple Lies And join her dead mom and dad high up in the skies Applejack: What in tarnation?! Ah think ya went too far there, don’t try to rub it in! Ya work for The New Church, yet like vampire bats, yer raps are an absolute sin! Ah spit hard cider rhymes like ah took a bite out of the apples you've actually been plantin' Didn’t anyone tell ya that the tin pot on yer head is for cookin’, not wearin’? While mah apple trees' still Bloomin', almost all of yours are no longer here And ah am already more familiar to children than this weird hobo lookin' pioneer Now, how about a glass of cider to celebrate the true winner of this match-up? ‘Cause ah sure licked this lunatic real good! Big Macintosh: Eeyup! WHO WON?! WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! EPIC- (The logo then is suddenly bombarded by raining apples) OW! OOF! RAP BATTLES OF THE UNIVERSE!!! Poll Who won? Applejack Johnny Appleseed Hints for the Next Battle Super Smash Bros Melee box art.png VS.png Pizza-pepperoni-w857h456.jpg Category:Blog posts